Racist Russian Parody on the Circassians of Adigea

The article has been declared “extremist”, as it fosters inter-ethnic hatred, and is banned in Adigea by court order. Beyond the offensive and denigrating material [according to the author(s), “This article is full of subtle irony and sparkling humour”], this malignant stuff demonstrates the negative stereotypes on the Circassians in Adigea held by (many of) the Russians in the Republic, and beyond, and the intrinsically racist set of the Russian mind. The Russians are so dark-minded and paranoid that they cannot see any bright spot beyond Russianness. This is an important read for Circassians outside Adigea, and social and anthropological researchers, as it throws a light on how the Russians view the Circassians. Circassian Russophiles and those afflicted with the Stockholm syndrome should take heed of the fact that the first step to eradicate someone, or annihilate a nation, is dehumanization and demonization. 

Here are some snippets from the article:

Adygea, aka Sunny Adygea, Tomato Republic – proud not independent country, in the south of Russia. By the way, if you look closely at the map, the shape of Agidea very much resembles dog faeces, s--t in the middle of the Krasnodar Krai. There are persistent rumours that the name "Agidea" comes from the words "Where am I?", usually uttered by guests of this sunny country, kneeling in the dirt roadside, robbed, after being hit on the head with something heavy.

Despite the name of the Republic, representatives of the titular nation [the Circassians] make up only 26% of the total population, but in some mysterious, incomprehensible way, they manage to give the impression that they are as much as 95%, even outside the country. In fairness, we note that the Russians and the fully assimilated Ukrainians, Belorussians, Germans and Poles make up about 65%. The rest are Armenians, Greeks, Jews, Tatars, Bashkirs, Kurds, Tajiks, and others. It should be noted that the share of Russian and other Slavs gradually decreases, with more deaths than births. The share of representatives of the titular nation also does not greatly increased – the Circassians, like the Russians, are very slack on the procreation front. The increase in the number of Circassians comes from repatriates from their tribesmen in Turkey, Syria, and Jordan.

In the dashing 90's, the Circassian minority tried to declare an independent Republic of Adigea and separate from the territory of Raska [Russia]. However, Adigea is surrounded by, and immersed in, the Krasnodar territory... Well, with the support of the Libyan terrorist organization “World Islamic Call Society" [first video in article is of a song sponsored by the said organization, dedicated to the “great friendship of the Circassian people with Muammar Gaddafi and the Libyan people”], which operated in Adigea in the 2000s, things were open to all possibilities. But, thank God, all that ruckus came to nothing.

Also, it is believed that there is a sure way to speak the Circassian language: Fill your mouth with hot potatoes and say the words of any other language.

Residents of Adigean villages do not usually bother with such trifles as the naming of streets and numbering of houses. If a sign is found somewhere, then a hodgepodge of Russian and Circassian is used.

The capital of Sunny Adigea is Maikop, one of two cities in the Republic (the second is "Adigeysk", with the original name “Teuchezh”, the "City without traffic lights"), was founded on 25 May 1857 by General Kozlovsky as a Russian military fortification. Some are trying to give the name a local flavour, and so they offer a welcome version of the name of the city Mekuap (written according to the local rules of grammar "Myekuape"), though, as the story goes, Kozlovsky did not know the Circassian language. 

The two universities in Adigea, namely Adigea State University (until 1993 – Adig-Pedig) and Maikop State Technological Institute, are not considered to be very prestigious. There is wholesale purchasing of the “highest” economic, legal and medical education and degrees in these higher institutes of learning. For this reason, every Circassian “tomato-gadfly” considers it his duty to send his offspring to "study in the capital"– Krasnodar, or in Pyatigorsk.

Recently a medical school was inaugurated at Adigea State University, preparing semi-literate doctors (murderers in white coats who sit down on the Orthodox people and s--t) and pharmacists, though the results of exams in Adigea are often rigged. Some "smart-arse" individuals do not bother to waste 5-6 years of their lives to study at university and easily buy themselves a degree diploma.

Origin and Anthropological Appearance

Circassians have the appearance typical of other individuals of the North Caucasian nationalities, i.e. Caucasoid, or rather Caucasoid North Caucasian type. Circassians themselves say that in the days before the Polovtsian and the Mongol invasions, all their ancestors were blue-skinned blonds. Also contributing to the reduction in the proportion of blond Circassians were the raids of Crimean Tatars and the tributes in blonde and fair-skinned females paid by Circassian princes, to fill the Ottoman and Crimean harems. All these events could not but affect the gene pool of Adigea. Therefore, in order to compensate, Circassian males try to take as wives and concubines females of Slavic origin, which does not prevent them from having more sex on the side. 

There has not yet been theoretical confirmation that Circassian infants of noble families are born with golden crowns on the teeth, and of commoners – with silver ones. However, this fact does not bother them to inundate their mouths with both metals, strongly demonstrating the viability of thus crowning the 32 teeth.

At the moment, many Circassians look like a copy of Kadyrov – stocky, blue-eyed, fair-haired, but most are dark-haired with black eyes.

Although Circassians are quite peaceful and even a relatively civilized people (especially compared with the Nokhchi), the social group aged 15-25 years naturally causes negative emotions beyond the right bank of the Kuban [in the Krasnodar Krai].

Objectively speaking, the hormonal system of Circassian males aged up to 25 or even 30 years suppresses the activity of the Adigean brains. However, after this age, Circassian men become aware of the value of seniority and become hard-working family men, and then they start to become sources of annoyance to the brainless young hooligans.

The venomous parody ends with the “opinion of the Circassians themselves” on the article: “We are very pleased with the article, which is very well delivered, and is almost completely true."